More Than We Need, Yet Less Than We Want.

I'm the absolute worst. No doubt about it.

Why can't I just be happy with what I have?

You see, the boy that I was talking about a few days ago is the same boy that broke my friend's heart a few more days ago. "Jake".

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that I wouldn't mind having him all to myself. However, I knew I couldn't because of his very recent issues with "Emma".

So, the feelings I've come to realize that I have had been stuffed in this little corner of my mind. Until, the feelings were returned.

Apparently, one of the reasons he said no was because of me. Great, the whole time I was trying to comfort a girl in need, I was actually the cause of all the pain she felt.

Against my better judgement, a fling has taken place in my life. But now that I have what I wanted, I've realized that I don't want it as much. Don't get me wrong, I still like him, but the fact that I can have him make me not want him as much as I did when he was unattainable.

So far, the "relationship" has been kept under wraps and is great. There's the fabulous physical part, but it doesn't lack a single thing that a friendship should have. We talk about everything that comes to mind, and ask each other ridiculous questions. (I guess I ask a lot of "what if's".) I can tell him just about anything, and he's already told me his biggest secret. And, the silences that happen are perfectly unawkward.

But why oh why doesn't it feel perfect.

What should I do? It's not fair to him that I'm so horrid. It's not his fault that I'm not completely satisfied. It's not going to work, if this can't be fixed.

What should I do? What should I do?